Sunday, October 21, 2012


I am now in my eleventh year of my school life. at the end of this year, I will sit for the all important Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM) examination. If I do well, I might get to prolong my education to university and beyond. If I do not perform well in enough, I probably will have to start working or join some vocational or technical classes. Whatever it is, I have to admit that I am at the verge of adulthood and soon I will have to make my own way through life. the question now is has the past year in school been worthwhile? How it has help me prepare for adult life?
Since “education” is too general to consider in all its aspects, I shall consider it only in terms of its role in school.

A school is where people of diverse culture and attitudes converge to. The first thing I learned in primary school was that there are so many different kinds of people. I experienced the pains and pleasures of getting to know my schoolmates. I discovered my own strengths and weaknesses and the social roles each one of us played. I learned the meaning of tolerance, team-work, friendship as well as prejudice, selfishness and enmity. Some experiences are uplifting while some were depressing. However, when taken as a whole these experiences taught me how to handle life without getting into too much trouble. I have to cope with them. By mixing and socialising in school, I learned to fit into society and live according to its norms. Without these school experience I doubt very much whether I can be a successful social animal. I would not know what to do and worst of all I would not have friends to help me in times of need.

Undeniably, school taught me the basic skills of writing, reading and arithmetic without which it would be difficult to live in this modern world. It also taught me many other things like geography, history and science. In geography, I learned that there are many countries with different people living in them, speaking many different languages and doing different things. I also learned that our planet Earth and our place in the solar system. History taught me about the people who lived before, their hopes, their dreams, their successes and their failure. It also had taught me that the human race had been in war with one another since time immemorial, and that we seldom learn our lessons from the misdeeds of the past. Our progress in science taught me the enormous capability of man and how much he can achieve if he sets his mind to a task. All these knowledge remain with me and definitely they will determine how my later life will proceed, for they have moulded my character and attitude.

Sports, games and extra-curricular activities showed me that we can involve ourselves in so many different kinds of activities. I realised that most people are competitive. Very few are not. Aggressive ones normally dominate in sports and games while the quieter ones normally spend their times in less vigorous pursuits like reading and visiting the library. I am fortunate to strike a healthy balance between the two extremes. I am fairly good both in games and studies. However, doing well in one’s studies is of primary importance it is here that the competition is the fiercest. I learned not to underestimate others, especially the skinny little runt who cowers at the back of the classroom. He is the one who is going to knock all of us flat when the final examination results come out.

In the process of growing up in the school environment, I discovered that the teachers are also human. They err and sometimes behave terribly. When I was in primary school, the picture was different. A teacher was something like a superhuman, a know-all and much feared and respected figure. Now I see they are like anyone of us, except they were born earlier and have a little bit more experience. That does not mean I have lost respect for them. It only means that I do not believe everything they said blindly. I have learned to reason and discriminates.

Summing up, I would say that my education had been worthwhile. I may not be the ideal student that would make an educationist happy but I know that I am not a washout either. In my heart I know that the experiences in school were priceless. What I am today is the direct result of my education. The very fact that I can express my views on paper as I am doing now should vouch for the worth of my education

Thursday, September 27, 2012

too good to be true

so he's telling me that ibu wants me?
so he's really telling me that one day my dreams will come true?
so he's telling me that ibu sayang me too?
so is it really happening?

I trust him that much. so I will always be.

bukan senang bila percaya pada someone. sangat takut bila kepercayaan yang aku berikan dihancurkan macam tu je. im not giving up. trust me I didn't. it is just that I really wants everything I've planned. at last, hanya mampu berusaha dan berserah. if its not the reality, what else should I expect?
let's just assume that I gave up. I'm sorry :(

losing hope is always another part of me people never knew. looking strong and always been so cheerful enough so people never notice that I'm having the worst problem ever. I don't want sympathy vote.

I want ibu :( please

Friday, September 21, 2012

im nothing near strong

im not strong and I believe it
because you know, letting you go is one part of my plan.
I can't help myself but to let you go.
I'm so sorry, I can't hurt you forever.
the best way ever is to stay far away from you.

Friday, September 14, 2012

saving previous memory

how much I miss being a kid again..
when I dont have to think about others..
kids kan namanya.. :)

suka dapat tengok semua orang happy, habiskan masa terakhir persekolahan bersama2. ada masanya, nanti aku pun mungkin dapat nikmati semua tu. mungkin la kan? mungkin.

dah nak habis sekolah ni. sempat lagi ke? we will never know.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

nak balik.

im missing my flight home :(
i want daddy
i want mummy
i want amir
nak blik
nak blik
bring me home
cpat laa

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

:( terharu doe

Tidak mungkin kuberpaling lagi
Salah sangka yang direncanakan
Gelora melanda
Adalah dendammu
Setelah diriku
Tak mampu menjadi milikmu

Cukup sudah hati berdarah
Usah ditambah cerita yang sudah
Di mana kekasihmu
Yang pernah kau sanjungi
Mengapa pula padaku
Menjadi pelepas ceritamu
Dan jua sepimu

Usah menabur budi
Mengharapkan simpati
Sedangkan kau menitip
Cemburu iri hati

Tak mungkin kuberpaling
Padamu yang meracuni
Rimbunan kasihku
Sehingga berguguran
Kelopak cinta kita
Kerana mu tak lagi mengerti hatiku

Sehingga berguguran
Kelopak cinta kita
Kerana fitnahmu
Walau segunung sesalmu
Tak mungkin kukembali
Cukuplah sekali
Menggamit pilu

Tidak mungkin kumaafkan lagi
Salah sangka yang direncanakan
Adalah dendammu
Setelah diriku
Tak mampu menjadi milikmu

*tak bermaksud apa2 :)
just lagu yang buat aku menangis dalam bus

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

untitled 11.7.2012

I'm falling apart.
Don't say this wont last forever.
You're breaking my heart,
Don't tell me that we will never be together.
We could be over
And over, we could be forever.

Monday, July 9, 2012

prom night 2012

lupakan date segala bagai..
senang hidup..
tak perlu nak susah payah fikir jgak..
mummy send me 2 yang tak pernah pakai..
buat semak closet kat umah..
now kat sini..
ramai yang pilih peach..

hidup aku memang mudah ^^

love life..

Monday, July 2, 2012

saya dah besar

Alhamdulillah :)
tak ada kata yang mampu aku ucapkan selain ucapan syukur..
terima kasih kepada semua..
semua yang dah sokong aku..

Alhamdulillah :)
hari Khamis ni mimpi aku jadi kenyataan..
dah lama aku impikan nak naik pentas ambil Anugerah Pengarah..
akhirnya tercapai jua..
walaupun pointer tak sampai 3.8
tapi aku dah bersyukur sangat dengan 3.71

kepada semua yang dah support aku,
especially Mr Superman yg tak
bosan teman aku study sampai lewat mlam..
*maybe dia bosan
time kasih dah teman and slalu dengar saya membebel pasal
apa yang saya dah hafal.. :)

thanks a lot.

Friday, June 22, 2012

moments {made history}

dalam hidup ni,
dah banyak yang kita lalui..
adakah kita hargai setiap detik itu?
kadang kadang, yes..
detik kita bersama tu sangat berharga..
walaupun ramai yang tak sedar sedar lagi,
aku hargai semua detik bersama korang,
*or awak <3

tengok tu,
dah senyum sorang sorang..

before i leave the school,
buatlah semua moments kita bersama ni sebagai yang terindah..
untuk aku kenang sampai bila bila..

P.R.O.M.I.S.E ?
i know you will :)

bila kau dah dilahirkan sempurna :)

dalam banyak banyak tahun yang aku dah lalui, tahun ni lah yang paling banyak mencabar akal fikiran aku..

tahun ni lah aku mula kenal orang2 yang aku rasa amazing.. <3
tahun ni lah aku mula rapat dengan kawan2 yang awesome :)
tahun ni lah aku mula kenal erti kehidupan.. :)
* yang sebenar benarnya :P

aku yakin untuk teruskan kehidupan ni..
i've set my mind..
i wont turn back no matter what happen..
look forward and yes, i hope you'll join me..
it's life forever will be..

so expect the unexpected..
dan bila dah mencintai, jgan terlalu mengharap..
sebabnya, bila jatuh nanti, sakitnya rasa sampai ke tulang..
aku dah pernah rasa,,
jgan bagi aku rasa perkara yang sama buat kali ke dua..
aku tak sanggup..
hey Mr Superman, i like you :)

Friday, June 8, 2012

Sweet sangat ke Vanilla?

Aku sangat gilakan perisa vanilla. Everytime makan ice cream dengan ROCKERS sekalian, aku mesti grab yang berperisa Vanilla. Ramai yang tak minat vanilla tapi aku jumpa someone yang fanatic dengan vanilla.

Aduss! Aku teringat memori lama. Damn! Pakai baju purple. Haha yang tak boleh blahnya kantoi plak tu. Tapi memori tu segar di ingatan lah. Memang tak boleh nak lupakan saat pertama kali aku date dengan dia.
*ayat novel lar makcik

Seminggu before tu lagi dah ajak dia makan ice cream. Oh-so-sweet dia tanya my favourite colour. Aku bagitahu dia purple dan dia pun monster-pairing macam aku jugak. Hehe~ sesuai sangat kan??
*stail bapok yang selalu aku buat tu

Mr Superman, bila lagi nak makan ice cream dengan kau? Rindu lar moment tu. Jemput aku kat KLIA nanti. Makan BR kat sana jom.

Hot Cherry Red Slipper

Tadi kat majlis akad nikah tu, ada budak pakai slipper merah. Tapi aku tak rasa itu patut dipanggil slipper tapi point di sini ialah slipper dan dipakai kat kaki. Oh demmm serious sama ngan Mr Superman KB punya. Alahai mata aku terus beralih arah dan of course aku terus masuk dalam alam lain.

*terkenangkan masa lalu

Di hari kedua perkenalan aku dengan dia, di petang nan indah tu, aku tak ingat apa yang berlaku tapi aku n ROCKERS sekalian duduk kat tepi pokok ceri kat parking lot. Punya la excited aku bila nampak dia keluar dari pagar asrama lelaki and duduk melepak kat tepi kereta warden. Oh! Dan mata aku dan ROCKERS sekalian tertumpu pada slipper Nike merah dia yang sangat hot tu. Dari jauh sapa yang tak nampak tu memang dalam kategori buta okay. Ntah kenapa aku pun syok jugak. Since flipper aku warna hitam merah. Haha punya la bangga aku berjalan merentasi parking lot tu.
*bajet slipper colour sama .. nasib baik tak kena hentam dengan bola tampar.

So back to reality, aku rindu slipper merah kau Mr Superman.

30th May 2012

Hari ni aku menyaksikan majlis akad nikah yang pertama dalam hidup aku. Setelah berusia 17 tahun dan lebih sikit, ini la kali pertama aku jadi penonton majlis akad nikah. Alahai so sweeeetttt...

Oh my god. Pukul 11 lebih kami bertolak dari rumah Abg Ijan ke Alor Star. Walaweyy Abg Ijan menyemartkan diri pakai baju melayu biru muda. Aku plak terlari tema. Pergi pakai kebaya biru tua. Tapi kisah plak aku. Bukan aku yang nak kahwin.
*walaupun malam before tu aku yang melebih lebih pakai inai dan mandi lama-lama macam aku yang nak jadi pengantinnya

Haha:) lawak sangat bila aku terkenangkan peristiwa malam tadi. Sibuk sangat aku melayan angan-angan aku yang sememangnya dibawa angin ke arah pantai barat. Teringat sangat aku dengan Mr Superman KB aku tu. Sampai terhiris jari aku. Nak sangat berangan? Ambik kau. Kan dah berdarah-darah tangan aku. Yang syoknya, tak rasa sakit sampai la ada mak cik tegur jari kau dah berdarah dik oi.

Hah! Masa tu menjerit aku. Tak ke sakit jari manis aku tu. Dah pakai inai, nampak macam inai tu cair je. Dab darah tu dengan tissue, sekali tengok sampai half tissue penuh dengan darah manis aku tu. Semua makcik dekat dapur tu tegur aku. Sampai tak sedar~ tengah ingatkan anak teruna sape? Nak je aku cakap >ingatkan anak cikgu math and bm< Hurm. At last aku senyum je and blah dari dapur pergi cari ayah aku and nanges kat dia. Masa kat dapur buat muka tough and tahan sakit. Sampai je kat ayah, air mata mengalir dah macam air terjun. Ayah cakap, *manja sangat anak ayah ni. Baru berdarah sikit

The letter M (28.5.2012)

2012 tahun terakhir persekolahan aku. Sedihnya nak tinggalkan ROCKERS sekalian. Sedih nak tinggalkan kawan-kawan yang lain. Tapi ada yang lebih sedih. Nak kena tinggalkan Mr Superman yang sorang ni. Lepas ni aku akan balik Sarawak. Hurm. Sedihnya. Jauhnya aku nak tinggalkan dia. Nak rentas Laut China Selatan lar.

Kau ingat dekat sangat ke? Tahun bila pulak lar aku nak jumpa dia. Oh risaunya aku. Dia dah lar hensem. Kalau muka macam pakcik cleaner tak pe lar. Tapi tak! Muka macam abang long taiko KL Drift tu. Apa ntah nama dia. Hensem lar weyy. Mana boleh main tinggal macam tu je. Kalau boleh nak cop kat dahi dia >PERMANENTLY RESERVED< Haha. Boleh pulak. Tapi ada aku kisah? Tak. *muka poyo Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Risau. Hah! Ambik kau. Dah tau banyak mana aku risau? Risau sangat ni. So orang lain kat luar sana tu tolong lar faham. Jangan nak pandai-pandai sentuh dia. To every girls out there, keep your hands off him. *takut tak dengan warning aku ni? Tapi sebenarnya aku just risau. WALAU BAGAIMANAPUN, aku yakin dengan dia. Dia setia. Kan Mr Superman KB? Saya yakin dengan awak.

Marriage of Figaro K.492, Overture (28.5.2012)

Siang dah lama berganti dengan malam. Aku masih di sini. Tercegat. Terdiam. Terkesima. Terkesan di hati aku dengan statement someone. Mummy cakap, Zaty kena study and dapatkan Master dulu. Baru boleh kahwin. Aku cuma dengar cakap mummy dan tersenyum sendiri. Maklum sangat sekarang musim kahwin. Cuti ni saja, 2 orang cousin aku kahwin. So mummy pun cakap tak lama lagi my turn.

Aku just tersenyum dan berlalu pergi dari situ. Aku tak mahu mummy lebih-lebih bercakap pasal jodoh. Nanti tak pasal-pasal mummy cakap dia nak tentukan jodoh aku. Oh no tak nak lah aku. *nak kahwin dengan Mr Superman aku tu

Aku text dia dan bagitahu dia aku kena completekan Master aku dulu baru boleh kahwin. Dia reply dan katanya, ‘ALAMAK. LAMA LAGI LAH KALAU MACAM TU.’ Sedih aku dibuatnya. Lalu aku buat keputusan untuk reply  ‘TAPI AWAK KENA DENGAR CAKAP IBU ABAH AWAK. KALAU DIORANG SURUH AWAK KAHWIN, THEN AWAK KAHWIN LAH. JANGAN TUNGGU SAYA.’

Apa yang dibalasnya seriously buat aku menangis. Dia tanya aku macam mana dengan relation kami? Macam mana dengan aku? Dia harap sangat jodoh dia adalah aku dan kami dapat kahwin secepat mungkin.

OMG! Aku tak sangka dia sangat matang dalam berfikiran. Jauh bezanya dengan aku. Kalau nak compare dengan aku yang kebudak-budakan ni. Alamak~ bagai langit dengan bumi lah gayanya.

*hurm kantoi ROCKER menangis

Statement Gaya Artis (27.5.2012)

Ahakkss.. tidak puas lagi ke dengan apa yang berlaku?

Memang jawapannya tidak puas lagi dengan apa yang berlaku.
So aku nak post pasal aku!!! *bajet

Tak sebenarnya. Aku nak semua orang yang suka mengSTALK blog ni faham.
1. Blog adalah tempat aku meluahkan perasaan
2. Blog adalah media yang boleh diakses oleh semua

Jadi bertepatan dengan itu, aku tak kisah jika ramai dari kalangan JUUU-NIEEEEE-YEEERRRSSS atau SENIORS yang baca blog ni. WALAU BAGAIMANAPUN, adalah TIDAK DIGALAKKAN sekiranya sebilangan daripada anda, anda dan anda anda di luar sana MEMBICARAKAN isi KANDUNGAN blog ini secara haram di kalangan rakan-rakan anda.
*haha tak ada lar..

Aku dengar banyak soalan- soalan maut yang berkeliaran kat luar sana. Yang paling best, soalan tersebut DIAJUKAN kepada adik aku. Antara soalan FAMOUS dan membuatkan aku ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING a.k.a ROFL adalah :-
1. Suraiya couple ngan (/ˈdʒuː.ni.ə r / ) ke?
2. Suraiya pernah ada apa-apa dengan (/ˈsiː.ni.ə r / ) ke?

Apa kena dengan semua soalan-soalan maut ni?? Nampaknya ramai yang membuat TAFSIRAN melalui semua post aku. NAMUN, semuanya SALAH belaka.
Mengapa TERCENGANG? Adakah anda TERKEEZZZZUTTT dengan jawapan saya? Mengapa ye? Adakah anda telah lama membuat tafsiran sebegini rupa? Oh tidak. TIDAK sama sekali. So yeah, tak ada apa-apa di antara kami kami ye.. segala gambar yang di post dan segala post di blog ini merupakan luahan perasaan yang TIADA kena MENGENA dengan mana-mana pihak. So yes that’s it. Tapi aku tak pernah menghalang mana-mana pihak daripada terus-terusan membicarakan hal peribadi aku kat luar sana. Anyways, kalau ada apa-apa pertanyaan, sila ajukan kepada aku. Aku tak kisah sangat kalau nak menjawab soalan-soalan anda semua. Kalau aku terdesak sangat, pakai cara artis jawab soalan lah.
>i’m sorry. No comment< Awesome kan?

Mucuxx kau? Derp~ (26.5.2012)

It’s raining outside which reminds me a lot of one particular day. Maybe i was naive, i lost in your eyes, i never had the chance to sit next to you. Kan? Tapi siapa pernah kisah? Long distance relationship akan work out juga kalau kita pandai pertahankan relationship tu.
So here it is. Aku tak sangka kau DAYUS. Kau cakap dah serik bercinta. So aku rasa sangat TERKESIMA dengan STATEMENt kau. Aku fikir kau keluarkan statement tu disebabkan oleh aku. NAMUN, tak sangka ADA UDANG DI SEBALIK BATU. Ada playboy dalam semak. Kau nak tau siapakah lelaki melayu terakhir a.k.a playboy tu? Engkaulah wahai jejaka lagenda Malaya.
Dasar omong kosong dehh~ bicara aja bisa. Last last kau text lagi kan? Tak sangka kau ni jenis yang melayan. Kau layan je semua yang datang. Jangan bajet sangat lah. Kau tak tau ke apa yang sebenarnya berlaku. Kalau kau fikir aku seorang yang TERUK, fikirlah dua kali lagi. *eh. 2 kali je? Tak. Fikir banyak kali lagi. Jangan kau fikir disebabkan aku berkawan dengan non-muslims, aku pun boleh dikira sebagai non-muslims. Hey awak, walaupun aku ni bukannya PERFECT dari segi PERTUTURAN, TINGKAH LAKU dan PERGAULAN, tapi aku tak permainkan hati semua jejaka di Malaysia.
*aku tak bajet
Aku tak text dengan TIGA atau LEBIH lelaki dalam masa yang sama. Aku tak fikir yang aku sangat cantik. So that’s why aku tak pernah berpura-pura ayu di hadapan semua lelaki di nusantara ni. I am who I am. Memang semuanya antara kita dah lepas. Tapi aku nak kau tahu, kau lari dari mulut harimau tapi at last kau masuk dalam mulut singa. Eh wait. Whatever lah dengan peribahasa aku tu. Tapi aku bukan harimau and yes! Dia singa.
Aku memang TAK SEMPURNA.
*mucuxx is so not my type
Kau yang membaca terasa? Memang aku sedang berbicara tentang kau dari tadi, wahai wanita melayu TERAKHIR. Jangan marah la..

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

peeps :)

I wish, I can keep you with me through rain and shines, when the thunderstorms hit the surface, you will calm me down, every time tears roll down my cheeks, you’ll be the one who listen and support me...even your force of attraction is always high, I’ll be fine and proud that you’re mine. <3 ily aku pernah guna ayat ni dulu.. tak sangka aku dah grow up.. sayang sgat org2 di sekeliling aku~

faith :)

when a story begins you dont need to say no..
it comes and go..
and still when every time it comes to you..
open your eyes to the faith..

one day:

Saya pun macam awak. Cuba untuk jadikan relation ni kekal sehingga akhir hayat. Tapi jika perpisahan terjadi, apa yang mampu untuk saya buat? Hanya mampu menangis dan berharap semua ni tak berlaku. Saya tiada daya untuk tentukan semuanya mengikut keinginan saya. Semua orang ada harapan. Begitu juga dengan saya. Semua orang berusaha untuk kejar apa yang mereka impikan. Begitu juga dengan saya yang nak sangat relation ni berjaya. Tapi adakah semua orang berjaya capai impian mereka? Sudah tentu tak~ hanya sesetengah sahaja. Yang lain hanya diberikan impian yang lain untuk dikejar dan lupakan impian yang gagal dicapai. Itulah lumrah kehidupan. Tiada siapa mampu untuk pastikan apa yang mereka haraokan dapat diperoleh. Tapi apa gunanya harapan jika tiada usaha? Usaha amat diperlukan. Keredhaan Allah tak datang sendiri melainkan dengan dicari tapi bukan semua yang berjaya untuk mendapatkannya. Kaitkan apa yang saya bagitahu tadi dengan apa yang saya harapkan. Tak senang untuk saya lepaskan jikalau saya sudah susah payah untuk dapatkannya. Fikir- fikirkanlah..

*true story derr~ kau mampu??

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


things that drive me crazy about you:

1. Your smile
2. Your voice keep echoing in my head
3. Your sincerity
4. The way you amuse me with all your lovely words
5. Your specialty
6. Your field of expertise  love
7. Because you appeared as an angel
8. You’re my prince charming with a white spotless horse
9. Because I do believe in love stories and fairytales
10. Because no one can change my mind darling, I am so in love with you and the fact that you love me too~

So, trust me sayang.. all those jealousy is just to keep you with me.. because I don’t want to lose you 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

hey blackforest!!

nice kan nick name awak??
i know!!
just nak bgtau awak..
sorry..tak bermaksud nak jeles..

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

: (

tadi bila awak nyanyi, awak cakap kau ilhamku..
tak sanggup nak dengar sampai habis..
saya tak suka dengar awak cakap benda2 cam tu..
especially when its not for me..
habis mood saya hilang sebab awak..
awak tau tak??
awak bersalah!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

3 months and 16 days

When people ask what makes you so perfect, I can’t help myself from smiling. For no reason sayang. The flashback appears and then I’m back to the moment when you say ‘I’m yours and you’re mine’.

People should know by now, you’re nothing but a perfect beautiful mistake. I never regret it. Not even once, even when I say [I hated you] or when I say [you’re crazy], still I keep crawling back to you. And your memory.

So sayang, I won’t give up on us. Even if the skies get rough. I’m giving you all my love. I’m still looking up. I wish I have your shoulder to lean on once again.

Monday, February 27, 2012


i lost my sun who shines my day.
i lost my moon that lighten my dark night...
i lost my star that twinkle along with my dreams...
i lost u...
the only person that one time was mine....

* reblog aku punya post from the PAST

11 painful things :

ini aku larh gila!!!

bila kita suka someone bukan kerana rupa,
bila kita suka sumeone not because of his money,
not even because of what people say,
that feeling will lasts the longest.

do trust me..

Sunday, February 26, 2012

* aku still kat sini

It has been 3 months and thirteen days since I lost him. 12th November 2011, the date which I will never forget.

It was raining from the night before. As if the world knew that we’re separating. I went to Kajang for my monthly head check up. Everything started from a very simple question. ‘is it jealousy?’

The question marked the event. Where the time stood still. If I can ever go back to the moment and change my mind. I would never ever ask the question. The world’s biggest mistake I’ve ever did. How can I be so reckless?

If I can ever say sorry again. I would have done that. But then, it’ll be a very awkward moment. I wish the time stood still once again. In between of the split second, I want to say ‘I love you’ once again. If I can ever return to the past, I would have done that and explain very well to you or maybe break the bond between me and him. Plainly to get you back. Enough of all the tears and tissue and mucus. Tell me where is your heart. I’m eager to seek for it.

25 February, 12


Friday, February 24, 2012

wondering why I love you and I miss you. It's a DISEASE

Stuck in the Moment - Justin Bieber

perfect konon

Apa yang berlaku sekarang, you can pretend as if I didn’t know anything but the truth is, I know it. You found yourself someone perfect. The type which is 1800 different compared to me kan. Awak tau apa rasanya bila dapat tau? Rasanya macam tak tau nak describe macam mana. Awak tanya Maxx apa yang berlaku malam tu. Saat saya dapat tau the truth, I broke down to tahap yang no one can describe. Kecewa sangat dgan diri sendiri. I feel like I was nowhere near PERFECT and that’s the reason you chose her instead of me.
So F*** of the perfect person because everyone knows NOBODY is PERFECT.


Rupanya tak senang untuk kita melupakan seseorang. Kalau tengok movie, macam senang je that girl nak lupakan the GUY tapi the truth is, it hurts to the backbone..okay!
It is so not easy until even after I tried so many times it didn’t work. Im so tired of the drama. I really miss the old moments. I still remember that one night, I slept early around 8pm. It was back then when texting is necessary to me and him. We used to text every night, until one of us say goodnight and sweet dreams sayang. And that night, I didn’t text him even a single one. He made the first move and text me:

1)Around 8.30pm : Hye
Nobody replied the text of course, I was sleeping. Then he sent me another one saying:

2)Around 10pm : Awak tgah buat apa?
Still, no reply. I’m still sleeping. So he sent me another text that truly touched me:
3)Around 12pm : saya minta maaf kalau ada buat salah ngan awak tau. Saya sayang awak.
I woke up at 2.30am that night to study chemistry since we have pop quiz the next day, and I saw the texts. Of course i replied. I asked him why he said such thing?

He said : saya takut saya ada buat salah ngan orang yang saya sayang. Sebab tu la saya minta maaf.

To AWAK, yes! Awak. Awak tau la sapa yang saya maksudkan kalau awak baca post ni. I miss this moment so much, i keep remembering it until now. How much i want to say ‘saya sayang awak’ lagi. Saya nak dengar awak cakap kat saya ‘saya sayang awak’ lagi. Saya nak awak conteng buku chemist saya lagi. I miss you.
Kalau la saya boleh putar balik masa yang lalu, saya nak buat awak happy selalu. Saya tak mungkin sakitkan hati awak macam dulu. Nak je saya buat announcement ‘saya minta maaf MYTH’. Biar semua orang tau, saya jahat ngan awak.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

i'm waiting

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Hujan bawa air mata ku
Yang mengalir membasuh luka ku
Agar dia tahu ku terseksa
Tanpa cinta dia di hatiku

:) i know im strong..
since he told me the reason..
ive made it..
i went through the days without tears..
im PROUD of myself..
i know i am!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

tak senang, tak mudah dan tak mahu melupakan

sure i can move on..
but i'll take a long time..
to forget..
and to delete the past is IMPOSSIBLE..

pantun 6 kerat

penuh makna bg aku..
especially yelah..
setelah putus harapan..

and it never means that
suicide is the only way out..

if this was a movie kan..

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

if this was a movie :(

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

If you're out there, if you're somewhere, if you're moving on
I've be waiting for you ever since you've been gone
I just want it back the way it was before

Even though I know you're not there

I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinkin' 'bout everythin' we've been through
Maybe I've been goin' back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you

Monday, February 13, 2012

I cant breathe without you....

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Without you, but I have to
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

porcine dna

so ak da start buat skit2 keja yg prof aku bg..
harap2 by the time laptop aku sampai ak da bleh habiskan..

Sunday, February 12, 2012

oh my life...

hectic tahap bangang doe..
penat gila aku minggu ni..
ta tau aku buat apa sampai penat sgat..
especially mental..
2 3 hari lgi buat kerja tanpa henti mcm ni,
aku da qualified masuk hospital mental..
trust me..
main badminton everyday this week buat kaki aku keras mcm kayu balak..
tambah lagi rentas desa yesterday..
sakit gila hati..
dah la panas tahap gaban..
kena marah lgi..
jgan harap la aku nak join rentas desa lgi..
miss u..
and my laptop will arrive next saturday..
im waiting for u my baby..
and aku dah nak start buat aku punya report pasal forscience tuh..
lega dapat Prof yg bnyak membantu..

Friday, February 10, 2012


problem gila doe..
tak bleh dload kat skolah or ukm..
amende je la..
bengong je..
better lgi kat rumah..


You say good morning, and good evening
The day is done, and you've come to find
The words are fleeting, I hear your quiet breathing
Is something wrong?

You come on two knees, with more than two needs
Finding that it's all too easy
To be helped and found
You slept and he said

It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home

Daylight's coming, the sun is blazing
New beginnings seep into you
But in the end it's distant shadows
That finally overwhelm your senses
And this time around
Is it love that you crown?
And this time around
You'll be more than who you are

It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home

Could you find yourself a way home?
It is in you, to carry on
It is in you, to lay down fears that hold
It is in you, to find your way home


how to say it out loud??

mcm berani je aku nak pg depan dia n ckap..
oi kau! kau masih benci aku ke?
bukan salah aku pun masa dulu2 tuh..
aku tak sengaja nak sakitkan hati kau!
bukannya kau tak tau mcm mana rapat aku dgn budak tu..
kau faham kan..
tapi kau tak pernah bg peluang..
i need at least a second chance..
im not begging for the third or fifth..
cant u just come to me n say it again??
i miss the old days..
i miss you..

Friday, February 3, 2012

Amirul Fitri

jumpa dia yesterday..
happy sgat coz dah lama tak jumpa dia..
aku bgtau dia pasal addmath..
dia sgat bangga ngan aku
*aku rasa
tapi no comment pasal tuh..
dia nak aku teruskan dgan flow aku skrang..
dun ever look back..
aku nak PROVE kan kat dia aku pun bleh jadi pandai cam diaa..
*cam diaa tau!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

the J

juniors dah datang
lame gila budak2 tuh
bosan la
tolong la enjoy the world skit
ni sume muka lame jer..
cafe penuh...
kebulur aku...