No Life In Me

I know now, as I knew as that little girl fighting sleep, that behind the gauze screen of shut-eye, lies colour. It taunts me, dares me to open my eyes and lose sleep. Flashes of red, amber and white speckle my darkness. I refuse to open them. I rebel and I squeeze my eyelids together tighter to block out the grains of light, mere distractions that keeps us awake but a sigh that there’s life beyond it.
But there’s no life in me. None that I can feel, from where I lie at the bottom of the staircase. My heart beats quicker now, the lone fighter left standing in the ring, a red boxing glove pumping victoriously into the air, refusing to give up. It’s the only part of me that cares, the only part that ever cared. It fights to pump the blood around to heal, to replace what I’m losing. But it’s all leaving my body as quickly as it’s sent, forming a black deep ocean of its own around me where I’ve fallen.

A Pear and A Melodious Song

Flashes of red, amber and white speckle my darkness. I refuse to open them. I rebel and I squeeze my eyelids together tighter to block out the grains of light, mere distractions that keeps us awake but a sigh that there’s life beyond it.
Oh My Goodness’!!! It’s 5 o’clock in the evening. I should be having tea this time around. I opened the window and the gentle breeze brushes my hair gently. I hear a kind of music being played. A sad song, but the harmony between the notes catches my breath away. I went downstairs immediately. There’s a basket of pear on the dining table and the song is still in the air. What a beautiful melody. I grab the fresh juicy pear and dash out to search for the source of the music.
The wind kept blowing, gently as I pass through the garden holding a pear in my hand. Birds flew victoriously above the sky, the cerulean sky. A perfect evening for a stroll in the garden. I look at the pear that I grabbed from the kitchen and I realized that it has the same the same shape as the guitar held by a boy at the centre of the garden. He smiled at me and I returned a smile.
There’s my friend playing a guitar in the middle of the garden and today is my last today here in Kuching, my last time hanging out with my friend prior to my departure to Bangi. Listening to the melodious song taste like the juicy pear. I’m enjoying this very special moment of a pear and a melodious song, a special song indeed.
-THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES-

I SUCK at STUDY!!!

In this miserable little life, I struggle countless times, everyday. Doing the lifeless task that drives me crazy every time. I've never thought that one day, my life will ended up like this. Struggling over books and papers all over the place. Got my eyes glued on the dry thin paper without feeling. I am so PATHETIC. How do I get to solve this problem? By studying? I am so tired that I sometimes stop half way through. I am not that tough. I am not that kind of girl. I am tired of it already.

I am so sick of it.

Close your eyes and stare into the dark.

My father’s advice when I couldn’t sleep as a little girl. He wouldn’t want me to do that now but I’ve set my mind to do the task regardless. I’m staring into that immeasurable blackness that stretches far beyond my closed eyelids. Though I lie still on the ground, I feel perched at the highest point I could possibly be; clutching at a star in the night sky with my leg dangling cold black nothingness. I take one last look at my finger wrapped around the light and let go. Down I go, falling and floating and falling again. I wait for the land of my life and dreams the best dream. Sleep tight.. Dreams of me my dear~

I smile when I hear the music that rhymes well....

I change everything that I know about me. The music, well, not the music. It’s the rhythm of my life. The way I live my life. My timetable, my study and the most important thing is me myself. People might ask one day, how is your teenage life? The answer will probably sounds like this:
‘I’m sorry. My teenage world was the darkest time in my life. Where I have to struggle the most, where I wasted my precious sleeping time to study, where I live my life pathetically and where I enjoy nothing but the elements stated in the periodic table.’
I’d never given much thought to how I would die. But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go. So, I can’t bring myself to regret the decision I’ve made to leave home. I’d miss them. I’d miss the heat, the warmness of their hands holding mine. But again, I think, this will be a good thing. I think. And so the lyrics goes... when the thorn bush turns white that’s when I’ll come home. I am going out to see what I can sow. And I don’t know where I’ll go, and I don’t know what I’ll see. This is me. -NUR SURAIYA IZZATY-

Ode To Joy

In our life, there are always ups and downs... but no matter what, we still have to keep going on... No matter what people said, no matter what people think.. I have to keep my guards up... some people might say: ‘I beg you pardon’ after reading this statement.. but I don’t care... for what I know, my life is all about giving... when is the time for me to receive something?
I am born gifted nor talented.. even though I’m here, I’m certain that this is not the best choice... being here... stressing out myself to the maximum level... lacking of sleep time, getting scolded by the teacher for no reason... since when something has change within me? This is not me at all.. I don’t know, but I think, I’ve change for the better me...
People live their life differently... I hate wasting time... furthermore, I think I need more hours in a day... let’s say, 48 hours... I want to study, I want to play but I want to succeed... If I have a wish, I will definitely wish me as a better person inside out.. I don’t want to be next to good. I want to be the best. I know that it is impossible, but still, I have to try... and the best part is I have to admit that I am not the best... that’s how life usually works...

To my Special Someone here.... ngee ^__^

LOL...~ what the hell la aku ni...
btw, i entered Teater Club... on the first meeting, i sang this song... it's meaningful.. n pretty convincing that it holds a deep meaning in my life... XD...

Well it's good to hear your voice
I hope your doing fine
And if you ever wonder,
I'm lonely here tonight
Lost here in this moment and time keeps slipping by
And if I could have just one wish
I'd have you by my side

Oooh, oh I miss you
Oooh, oh I need you

And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay

Well I try to live without you
The tears fall from my eyes
I'm alone and I feel empty
God I'm torn apart inside

I look up at the stars
Hoping your doing the same
Somehow I feel closer and I can hear you say

Oooh, oh I miss you
Oooh, oh I need you

And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed, no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay
Always stay

I never wanna lose you
And if I had to I would choose you
So stay, please always stay
You're the one that I hold onto
'Cause my heart would stop without you

And I love you more than I did before
And if today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed no one can take your place
It gets harder everyday

Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay, I will stay
I'll always stay

And I love you more than I did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home I'll be coming home
And if you ask I will stay, I will stay
I will stay